Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
