Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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