I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
