btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
