And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
