just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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