summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
