Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
