the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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