i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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