Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
