I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
