Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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