I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize