theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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