How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
