my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
