I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
