You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
