I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
