Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
