Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
