Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
