dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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