I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
