having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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