either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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