mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You've changed since you got that strap on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
