I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
