you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
