Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
