The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
