By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
