Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Duck Duck Cougar?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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