He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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