Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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