Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
