Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
