I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
