i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
