There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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