so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
