so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
