i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
