look no pants
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Randomize
