R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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