now i know why i became what i already was.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
