peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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