someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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