I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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