Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
