i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
