I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
