oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
