i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
