THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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