i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
