Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
